Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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