he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize