dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
