I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize