She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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