so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
