and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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