She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
