kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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