I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize