Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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