dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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