i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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