If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
