it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
