There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
