So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
