Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
