i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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