I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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