So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize