Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
