she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm both gender and math confused
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
