I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
