Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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