I wanna bring you to show and tell
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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