She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
