DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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