my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
