is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
