I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
