He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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