one two three fourrrrnication!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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