I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
