I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
