I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
