My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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