okay pat passed out under dana's car
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
