love makes seman taste better
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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