we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
