sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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