come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
