I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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