Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
