the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
