I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
