i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
