I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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