No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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