Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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