I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
