it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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