I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
