I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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