and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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