I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
