mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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