She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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