i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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