It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
