i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
