Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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