I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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