So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
