I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
