Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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