Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
