YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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