I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
