Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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