I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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