bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
