she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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