Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
