I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
