Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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