His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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