Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
